I’m so excited about the beginning of aggressive treatment after the recent break from some of the medication and treatments. I’m not exactly thrilled about the fevers, chills, cramps, pain and reaction as the bacteria dies off, but with each thing that makes me feel horrible I know it means something good is happening. I don’t know many illnesses where you are thankful to feel worse.
Luckily, I haven’t begun to feel worse yet. Reintroducing the IV meds to my body has not been a picnic in the park, it’s rough on the body, but the die off of bacteria hasn’t begun yet. For those not familiar with it, there is a reaction that often happens with Lyme treatment. Basically when the medicine kills the bacteria in your body, the dead bacteria become neuro toxins which in turn make you sicker than the original bacteria. When the medicine kills the bugs quicker than your body can process and get rid of the toxins, it makes you really sick. This is what is referred to as a “herx reaction”. So when you see me say on Facebook I’m “herxing”, you know what’s going on. Similar to chemotherapy, the medicine actually has to make you feel worse in order to feel better.
So I’m embracing the beginnings of the ickiness that is ahead. It’s only just started, and that’s just adjusting to the new daily protocol of medications and supplements. The die off hasn’t even begun yet, but I know it’s coming…and I’m waiting for it like it’s Christmas morning on a year I’ve been a REALLY good boy!
Maybe this is my psychological way to accept the reality of what’s in store, but when I can’t get out of bed until mid afternoon, and then it’s only because I can no longer wait any longer to pee, and I think the day is wasted and I’m surprised at how much this or that hurts…I embrace it like a ray of warm sunshine, knowing that while I’m feeling the effects on the outside, on the inside there is one hell of a war going on…and I’m winning the battle. There are no other options.
It’s Tuesday, I’m disabled and don’t get out much. Other than some good TV shows tonight, not much to help pull me through the day. Waking up feeling like you haven’t slept in weeks, with all kinds of aches and pains makes a random Tuesday seem even worse. You can only watch so many reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond before you realize not EVERYONE loves him…
So today basically sucks, it hurts, I feel wiped out, my whole day revolves around adjusting to a new medication schedule, I have treatment and get my dressing changed. That’s enough to exhaust me and send me to bed for rest of day, but I have to be thankful for the opportunity to get out of the house. Even in the cold, it feels good to be out and be in the sun. In between the yucky stuff, I can focus on the warmth of the sun’s rays.
Then take the rest of the day as a blessing as the war inside goes on, knowing that I will be victorious. So every hour that I suffer or wonder how I’ll survive is just one more battle won in the war, because hour by hour I find the strength I need to pull through the bad stuff, laugh at the good stuff and know that soon it will all be a thing of the past.
How’s your Tuesday going? I’d like each of you to share something positive from your day today as a comment. Let’s all focus on the positive today!